I don't like to touch on these things much. However, there's no real way to avoid it. On July 16, my mother, Karen McGrath, died of cancer.
Those of you who read my blog regularly remember the phone call I got in the London airport before I got on the plane to leave England. Erica had said "They think she's waiting until you come home to die." On the plane we had a delay (OF course) and then the 7 hour flight that should have seemed longer than it did. I, thankfully, had plenty of distractions. When we landed, the distractions stopped, and now that we were on the ground in Boston all I really cared about was getting my luggage and getting home.
I wasn't that...shocked? I guess you could say. I knew it had been coming for a while. My mom had gone into a coma-like state while I was in England. When I got home, we all got to sit with her for a minute. There was a.... medical incident that I won't detail. I don't detail anything to do with the medical side of things because it really is disturbing. Anyway, things got taken care of and everything was kind of suspended. I guess suspended is the right word, the feeling is hard to place. We thought I had just gotten home in enough to time to say goodbye but my mom held on for a full week before she passed. Then, about 5 days after that, we had the wake and funeral. I'm really glad I got to see her before she passed, and even talk with her a bit. A few days before she went she had what is called "The Surge" where, a day or so before a dieing person passes, they will have a surge of energy or awakeness and be alert and such. It was a lot of fun to talk to her and see her reactions to things such as the fact that my new boyfriend has dread locks :P The only thing I kind of regret is the fact that I didn't get to be with her while she slipped into the coma-like state. In one hand, I would have liked to talk to her and be with her as she declined. But, in the other, I'm glad I didn't have to see that and I know that she wanted me to go on the trip to England.
My mom did this thing sometimes where she would give me a card or note when I had to leave for something and we had a fight or I was nervous or just for no reason at all. The day I left for England was no exception, and it's something that I'll treasure for a very long time. The end of the card reads:
"I love you so much and I'm so proud of you! Sing your heart out, take lots of pictures, and dream big! I love you with all of my heart!"
It's really nice to have this and, even though she's gone, she'll never be gone to me.
I love you, mom.
lOVe,
Molly
